TANTRUM CENTRAL

Dear Coach Lynn,



My three year old goes from one tantrum to the next! I would put her in preschool but I am afraid that they will kick her out because she throws humdinger tantrums. I work at home all day with no help to take care of Ellie. My job is fairly stressful and I am always on deadline from one week to the next. The tantrums go on for long periods of time and are fairly dramatic. I just don’t know what to do. I try to work but sometimes she makes it mostly impossible. Callie, mom of tantrum Ellie.

Callie, tantrums can be extremely difficult to get through, but let’s remember why children age 3 throw them. One reason is that they don’t have the words to explain that they feel upset or restless, even bored. Another reason is that they feel they are not being treated fairly. They get a real sense of fairness around this age as you see them tell when another child has been on the swing too long when they become anxious and upset. Also, kids throw tantrums to gain attention from their parents. Perhaps, Ellie feels your sense of frustration from trying to work at home during the day while she is there.



Callie, it is important to understand what is common in the development of a three year old. Perhaps this will also help you key in on what Ellie’s behavior is telling you:

Ages 2-3

Physical and Language:  Motor Ability:  jumps off a step, rides a tricycle, uses crayons, builds a 9-10 cube tower.
                                                 Language:  starts to use short sentences controls and explores world with language, stuttering may appear briefly. Fear of separation.

Emotional:  Negativistic (2 ½ yrs), Violent emotions, anger
Differentiates facial expressions of anger, sorrow, and joy. Sense of humor (Plays tricks)

Social:  Talks, uses "I" "me" "you".  Copies parents' actions. Dependent, clinging, possessive about toys, enjoys playing alongside another child. Negativism (2 ½ yrs).
Resists parental demands


As you can see, Age three is a magical year where your child is trying to develop a sense of personhood but is still anxious about separating from you. So, if you are working all day and Ellie is not benefiting from your attention, she will get upset …. Very upset.



Perhaps, it is time for Ellie to make her way towards school or scheduled activities. My sense is that it will make life easier for both of you! Thanks and good luck… this too, shall pass.

Prosper!
Coach Lynn