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Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Coach Lynn Radio Show
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Wednesday, August 25, 2010
TANTRUM CENTRAL
Dear Coach Lynn,
My three year old goes from one tantrum to the next! I would put her in preschool but I am afraid that they will kick her out because she throws humdinger tantrums. I work at home all day with no help to take care of Ellie. My job is fairly stressful and I am always on deadline from one week to the next. The tantrums go on for long periods of time and are fairly dramatic. I just don’t know what to do. I try to work but sometimes she makes it mostly impossible. Callie, mom of tantrum Ellie.
Callie, tantrums can be extremely difficult to get through, but let’s remember why children age 3 throw them. One reason is that they don’t have the words to explain that they feel upset or restless, even bored. Another reason is that they feel they are not being treated fairly. They get a real sense of fairness around this age as you see them tell when another child has been on the swing too long when they become anxious and upset. Also, kids throw tantrums to gain attention from their parents. Perhaps, Ellie feels your sense of frustration from trying to work at home during the day while she is there.
Callie, it is important to understand what is common in the development of a three year old. Perhaps this will also help you key in on what Ellie’s behavior is telling you:
Ages 2-3
Physical and Language: Motor Ability: jumps off a step, rides a tricycle, uses crayons, builds a 9-10 cube tower.
Language: starts to use short sentences controls and explores world with language, stuttering may appear briefly. Fear of separation.
Emotional: Negativistic (2 ½ yrs), Violent emotions, anger
Differentiates facial expressions of anger, sorrow, and joy. Sense of humor (Plays tricks)
Social: Talks, uses "I" "me" "you". Copies parents' actions. Dependent, clinging, possessive about toys, enjoys playing alongside another child. Negativism (2 ½ yrs).
Resists parental demands
As you can see, Age three is a magical year where your child is trying to develop a sense of personhood but is still anxious about separating from you. So, if you are working all day and Ellie is not benefiting from your attention, she will get upset …. Very upset.
Perhaps, it is time for Ellie to make her way towards school or scheduled activities. My sense is that it will make life easier for both of you! Thanks and good luck… this too, shall pass.
Prosper!
Coach Lynn
My three year old goes from one tantrum to the next! I would put her in preschool but I am afraid that they will kick her out because she throws humdinger tantrums. I work at home all day with no help to take care of Ellie. My job is fairly stressful and I am always on deadline from one week to the next. The tantrums go on for long periods of time and are fairly dramatic. I just don’t know what to do. I try to work but sometimes she makes it mostly impossible. Callie, mom of tantrum Ellie.
Callie, tantrums can be extremely difficult to get through, but let’s remember why children age 3 throw them. One reason is that they don’t have the words to explain that they feel upset or restless, even bored. Another reason is that they feel they are not being treated fairly. They get a real sense of fairness around this age as you see them tell when another child has been on the swing too long when they become anxious and upset. Also, kids throw tantrums to gain attention from their parents. Perhaps, Ellie feels your sense of frustration from trying to work at home during the day while she is there.
Callie, it is important to understand what is common in the development of a three year old. Perhaps this will also help you key in on what Ellie’s behavior is telling you:
Ages 2-3
Physical and Language: Motor Ability: jumps off a step, rides a tricycle, uses crayons, builds a 9-10 cube tower.
Language: starts to use short sentences controls and explores world with language, stuttering may appear briefly. Fear of separation.
Emotional: Negativistic (2 ½ yrs), Violent emotions, anger
Differentiates facial expressions of anger, sorrow, and joy. Sense of humor (Plays tricks)
Social: Talks, uses "I" "me" "you". Copies parents' actions. Dependent, clinging, possessive about toys, enjoys playing alongside another child. Negativism (2 ½ yrs).
Resists parental demands
As you can see, Age three is a magical year where your child is trying to develop a sense of personhood but is still anxious about separating from you. So, if you are working all day and Ellie is not benefiting from your attention, she will get upset …. Very upset.
Perhaps, it is time for Ellie to make her way towards school or scheduled activities. My sense is that it will make life easier for both of you! Thanks and good luck… this too, shall pass.
Prosper!
Coach Lynn
How Can you Establish Balance Between Your Kids and Your Job?
Does your day start before you even peel yourself out of bed? Do you feel like you are running on empty every night? Do you fall asleep before your head even h its the pillow? How can you balance kids and parenting even though this recession is asking people to do more work for the same pay?
It is important to keep your job in a time when even some of the strongest companies are teetering on bankruptcy. The job market is as small as Honey I Shrunk The Kids. However, parenting is the most important job you will ever have. It is vitally important for your kids to see you manage your life and balance it. It is important for your kids to see that even though life has challenges, you tackle them by finding solutions. Here are 3 crucial solutions:
Set Ground Rules at home and at the office. Talk with your boss and explain that you are willing to work evenings, weekends, in exchange for scheduling presets with your family. Sit down and talk with your family and give them a realistic picture of your job and the idea that sometimes you will need to work extra hours.
Learn to Delegate. You cannot do it all, no matter how much you want to. There are things that family members can do at home that will make a big difference for you. the family can help with chores. Children who do chores learn responsibility and also get a great lesson in learning how to be grateful.
Know When to Go for Outside Help. Set yourself free from feeling that getting outside help is a poor reflection on you. There are many nontraditional ways to get extra support without breaking your budget. There are teen mother's helpers. There are laundry services. You can pick and choose which essential clothes need to be professionally laundered and save the cost of dry cleaning, some even wash and dry by the pound and at bulk is pretty inexpensive.
Make family time a priority no matter how little time you have. When your family feels important, they are more cooperative, organized and peaceful. When your family feels neglected, ignored and stressed, it makes for a stressful life. When you set specific times of fun only with family, it gives everyone a time to look forward to and eases tensions in between those times.
Prosper!
Coach Lynn
It is important to keep your job in a time when even some of the strongest companies are teetering on bankruptcy. The job market is as small as Honey I Shrunk The Kids. However, parenting is the most important job you will ever have. It is vitally important for your kids to see you manage your life and balance it. It is important for your kids to see that even though life has challenges, you tackle them by finding solutions. Here are 3 crucial solutions:
Set Ground Rules at home and at the office. Talk with your boss and explain that you are willing to work evenings, weekends, in exchange for scheduling presets with your family. Sit down and talk with your family and give them a realistic picture of your job and the idea that sometimes you will need to work extra hours.
Learn to Delegate. You cannot do it all, no matter how much you want to. There are things that family members can do at home that will make a big difference for you. the family can help with chores. Children who do chores learn responsibility and also get a great lesson in learning how to be grateful.
Know When to Go for Outside Help. Set yourself free from feeling that getting outside help is a poor reflection on you. There are many nontraditional ways to get extra support without breaking your budget. There are teen mother's helpers. There are laundry services. You can pick and choose which essential clothes need to be professionally laundered and save the cost of dry cleaning, some even wash and dry by the pound and at bulk is pretty inexpensive.
Make family time a priority no matter how little time you have. When your family feels important, they are more cooperative, organized and peaceful. When your family feels neglected, ignored and stressed, it makes for a stressful life. When you set specific times of fun only with family, it gives everyone a time to look forward to and eases tensions in between those times.
Prosper!
Coach Lynn
A LETTER FROM CINDY, A LISTENER
Dear Coach Lynn,
I believe that my baby daughter, age 2, may have Autism but I am not sure. The thing is, I have always heard that if she does have Autism, she will never learn and neverhave a real chance for having a good life. It makes me so sad and I don't know what to do. Please help. I love your show. Cindy
Cindy, thank you for sending me your letter about your daughter. I understand that you are afraid to think that she may have Autism. however, you will not be in any position ot help her if you don't move beyond being paralyzed. Let your love for your daughter guide your steps.
Recently, we did a show on Autism. Many parents wanted to know what signs to look for in their children. In recent years, over a million children were born with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Some argue the causes are vaccinations and even perhaps our food supply but the cause is unknown. Still there are fascinating aspects of the Autistic mind. How can an autistic child who won't talk to you solve complex mathematical equations? ASD varies widely in severity and symptoms and may go unrecognized, especially in mildly affected children or when it is masked by more debilitating handicaps. Very early indicators that require evaluation by an expert include:
Our children are by far our best assets-All of our children. And whether that child is autistic, short, tall, creative, athletic, or whatever...what's most important is that he or she gets the message that noone gets to decide whether they are good enough or not. Most importantly, advocate for your child. Don't worry about whether people will like you or not. Your child's safety, health and welfare are worth more than your worry over someone else's approval. Give your child th is vital message:
You are beautiful and wonder just because you are!
Prosper!
Coach Lynn
I believe that my baby daughter, age 2, may have Autism but I am not sure. The thing is, I have always heard that if she does have Autism, she will never learn and neverhave a real chance for having a good life. It makes me so sad and I don't know what to do. Please help. I love your show. Cindy
Cindy, thank you for sending me your letter about your daughter. I understand that you are afraid to think that she may have Autism. however, you will not be in any position ot help her if you don't move beyond being paralyzed. Let your love for your daughter guide your steps.
Recently, we did a show on Autism. Many parents wanted to know what signs to look for in their children. In recent years, over a million children were born with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Some argue the causes are vaccinations and even perhaps our food supply but the cause is unknown. Still there are fascinating aspects of the Autistic mind. How can an autistic child who won't talk to you solve complex mathematical equations? ASD varies widely in severity and symptoms and may go unrecognized, especially in mildly affected children or when it is masked by more debilitating handicaps. Very early indicators that require evaluation by an expert include:
- no babbling or pointing by age 1: *no single words by 16 months or two-word phrases by age 2: *no response to name *loss of language or social skills *poor eye contact
- excessive lining up of toys or objects: *no smiling or social responsiveness *impaired ability to make friends with peers *impaired ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others *absence or impairment of imaginative and social play
- stereotyped, repetitive, or unusual use of language *restricted patterns of interest that are abnormal in intensity or focus *preoccupation with certain objects or subjects *inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals.
Our children are by far our best assets-All of our children. And whether that child is autistic, short, tall, creative, athletic, or whatever...what's most important is that he or she gets the message that noone gets to decide whether they are good enough or not. Most importantly, advocate for your child. Don't worry about whether people will like you or not. Your child's safety, health and welfare are worth more than your worry over someone else's approval. Give your child th is vital message:
You are beautiful and wonder just because you are!
Prosper!
Coach Lynn
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